What do bathrooms and presidential races have in common?
If I had asked that question a couple years ago, your face would have contorted into a grimace as you braced yourself for the answer. You would have known what would come next—a lame and perhaps slightly off-color punch line to a stupid joke. After all, who has not used toilet humor from time to time?
Unfortunately, we’re not laughing any more. While it would be relatively easy to list similarities between the disgusting activities that take place in a lavatory and the repulsive garbage that sloshes throughout the world of politics, the connection between the two has become quite a serious matter.
In the past few months, we have become mesmerized by bathrooms like never before. At least not since someone raised the novel idea of doing our business indoors rather than in a snake-infested outhouse.
Just about everywhere we go, we find signs pointing toward the “men’s room” or “women’s room.” Most people remember one of the most embarrassing events of their lives—the day they inadvertently walked into the wrong one. Everyone knows that a man should not be in a woman’s restroom and vice-versa. If for no other reason, we have irreconcilable differences over the position of the toilet seat. The women want it down; the men want it up.
Even more importantly, bathrooms are private places. No one has questioned the fact that people with similar anatomy should use the same ones and be barred from the other. Even little kids understand that. Moms, remember when you had to bring your five-year-old son into the bathroom at Walmart because Daddy wasn’t there? He probably argued with you because he just knew it wasn’t right. Everyone knows that.
That is, until now.
Apparently some folks have decided that separating men’s and women’s bathrooms is akin to racial segregation. Worse yet, it’s discriminatory, and we sure don’t want to injure anyone’s frail sissified ego.
By the way, isn’t it interesting that it’s usually men who want to use the woman’s bathroom? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the motivation behind that one.
Now, let’s get back to our question. What do bathrooms and presidential races have in common? The answer: how a politician feels about this subject reveals how he or she makes decisions about what is right or wrong. And that is kinda important for the leader of the free world.
So where do our presidential candidates stand (or sit, I guess) on these issues? I am, of course, concerned mainly with the Republican slate of candidates, because I find little in the others that even remotely coincides with what I believe.
Donald Trump, who has the most delegates so far, claims that a transgender person should be able to choose whichever bathroom suits him…or her…or whatever pronoun fits here.
John Kasich, dismally far behind in the delegate count but still hanging in there for some inexplicable purpose, just thinks Americans should stop worrying about it. Classic issue-dodging for someone who wants to spend his life making decisions that affect all of us.
Then there’s Ted Cruz. Like him or hate him, you know where he stands. In no uncertain terms, he has explicitly stated that men should not be in women’s bathrooms. Period.
In the end, it’s not about who should use which bathroom. It’s about whether or not we will accept God’s plan for the difference between the sexes. We have decided that God should not be the one who makes these decisions, and therefore we can change our gender to suit our preferences. Or we can just be a “girl for a day” so we can fulfill our depraved fantasies by sharing a restroom with a female who wouldn’t give us a second look if she had a choice.
When choosing a president, I understand that no candidate is perfect. However, I want the one that best understands that God is the final authority and doesn’t base his opinions on the fluctuating whims of a fickle society. As far as I can see, there is only one option in this race. Thanks to the bathroom issue, the correct decision has become much more clear.